My New Boyfriend, Sam

You think that you're 'a hurtin' me
when you walk out that door
You think I ain't got sense enough
to know about your whore
You said you were with a brand new church
so you could be a better man
but you don't know, is what I've gots;
a new boyfriend named Sam.

As soon as I hear your boots-makin' for the door
I dab on a lil' perfume, and then a little more.
By the time your V-8 engine roars, I have a glass of wine
then I'm runnin' for our ole' backdoor to see my Valentine
You go off and find a way-to be a better man-
I'll be gazin' at the stars with my new boy friend Sam.

Sam and me just get along
like a big carrot and a pea
He takes the time to get to know
the girl I used to be.
You go off and play poker
I'm sure you'll get a winning hand
just make sure you pay the cable bill
so I can watch Lifetime with Sam.

When you come back home again, I'll be waitin' here
I'll smile at you and lick my lips as I fetch your beer.
You can criticize anything you want, that don't bother me no more
'cuz I've realized that you're a rotten hunk of flesh down to your core.
I don't care what you think, now that I've got someone to understand
I might be smilin' at you, darlin'- but my thoughts are just on Sam.

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